Poems By K

Lord of the Dark

2004-10-30T23:33:00.000-05:00

There are many times we have met, the begining middle and end
And up until this point you could only refer to us as friends
The relationship nothing more than a cold dark frustration
Should the roles that we play really need reiteration

Is it time to change the course,move the darkness into light
For from the dark we both come and could make these choices right
For now there is no relationship, and no desire to have such
But isn't it odd that this love could mean so very much

To desire and require the feel of each others touch
To feel that being a couple just doesn't mean so much
Having each other close, being together when we choose
And hoping that togther we can evade what we could lose

To have you close, to hold you dear, to touch you the way no other has
To sit in a room alone with you and watch you play with spaz
To know you feel and know you care even when others are around
To know that when I can hear your voice for me it's the only sound

So what to do and where to go for us it is amiss
Because for the two of us this is complete bliss
No more hurt and no more pain just togetherness anew
Someone to love, someone to care, and someone who won't hurt you

Yet the question remains who is the dark and who is the light
For the turning of one another to the other side may cause spite
And who will lead and who will follow and on which side will we land
Or maybe to wait for another day, time moves as slow as sand

Yet time moves so slow without you near, without the sound of your voice
And yet the things that I want and desire I feel are the wrong choice
Don't get crazy, dont get weird, guilty as charged we should plea
For we both know these traits are ours and with these we can be free

I want you there I need you there
To hold to touch and just to care
And I want just this from you
Nothing more that just be true

You felt you failed yet told anyway
Your honesty in order to not betray
I have seen and faced the darker tide
And now I'll find the light inside

Choices

2004-09-28T01:15:00.000-05:00

We can choose to forgive, choose to forget
We can shoose to make choices we will regret
There are consequenses to all action
And full price is paid never a fraction

The path that we follow, doors that we choose
Bridges we cross, or burn, we may lose
All make decisions, to our own end
Alone or with someone we call a friend

We can harbor relationships, partnerships too
Or stand and walk alone, as some often do
We can hide behind the fear and pain
Or walk with others and entertain

So forgive and forget, let the bridge stand
Or harbor the grudge, burn up the land
The choice is yours, a validating one
A decisions that weighs heavily, more than a ton

The end and the begining

2004-09-24T17:52:00.000-05:00

Early on I was told death is a celebration of life
A funeral was not to cry and stand alone in strife
But to look back to what was and be glad they were here
To reminisce on the the good times the happiness and cheer

When my world crashed around me, I knew not where to roam
It was hard to understand the purpose of "Celebrate me home"
The songs that was played by request of the dead
And after the words nothing was left to be said

I know not how to console or to send any regard
For the natural response doesn't work, this situation is hard
I'm sorry for your loss just seem so cold
But what is there to say, has anyone been told

There is a matter of acceptance that it seems only I acheive
For I have accepted that the deaths are a repreive
Like a returning to a place or a home if you will
A life that continues on while this one stays still

It's hard for me to feel so cold when it comes to this part of life
For I feel I should hold more emotion towards the loved ones strife
I cannot seem to find a place for I've been here so many times
And I still can't come to accept that life's no more that lemons and limes

Parents shouldn't lose their children this way
For it doesn't seem it should be life's natural sway
But things are all for a purpose, a reason
And life will continue with a new season

Hide from the Heart

2004-09-23T02:58:00.000-05:00

The power to hurt, the power to heal
And how do we know when things are real
There is no time there is no space
You can't even trust the look on the face

The stars the sky the heavens above
No one will admit the essence of love
Trust, no doubt, as humans admit
Prevent us the ability to commit

As times passes, people in relationships change too
And only communication will get you through
When things are easy, smooth sailing is best
But as waters get choppy, it's harder to find rest

So do I go now and follow my heart
Continue to walk blindly and play the part
Do I find a new path, look for happiness there
Do I just stand still, how 'bout fly through the air

Maybe look to the past for guidance
Look to the heavens above for an alliance
Ask many others who can't find it on their own
Or maybe I'll continue to work at it alone

I feel for those who find it but can't make it work
It's unfortunate that their feelings are met with a smirk
There is no measurement to account for the pain
Or the sadness, or longing, or the unfortunate disdain

For to walk alone means relying on the one friend
The one that is guaranteed to be there til the end
The one who can't leave you but may let you down
For you yourself may walk alone with a smile or a frown

We are all responsible for our own actions and emotions. No other person can make us do or feel anything. It is of our own accord that we do or feel things. What we choose to do with these actions or emotions is up to us and us alone. If we let ourselves feel hurt in the process, it is ultimately our own fault. I spend a lot of time feeling bad about the people who do not know this. I feel bad because they are under the impression that I have caused the situation that they are in or that I could have some how prevented it. I was recently posed with the question "Why did you make me fall in love with you?" I didn't really know how to respond. Could I have prevented it? Could I have stopped the emotion? Could I have done something different to change their outlook? Could I stop the saddness and pain that came when I couldn't return the feelings or play the role in which they wanted me to play? I could not and cannot change anything that happened. Yet I still feel bad for them and what they are going through. But I can't feel bad that I put them through this. Because I didn't. Had they never met me they may have not been in this position with me but that just makes me a player in the game. It doesn't make me a referee or the rule maker. But anyways that was the rteasoning behind this poem. Night all.

The Bite (Well I tried...not really enough background though)

2004-09-21T03:42:00.000-05:00

The one who speaks his mind in short
He always has a wise and simple retort
There is no way to bite him back
You could never catch him on the track

Funny, wise, intelligent too
Scary, dangerous, will it be you?
Polite as well, mom is proud
Not the safest one of the crowd

Holds to pain to help him strive
And a love he fought to revive
Friends and family he intends to protect
And standards so there is no one to reject

So hear the theme song music playing
And check to see if the boat is swaying
For there is no other like the shark
With a really big bite, who needs a bark

The Trait

2004-09-21T03:20:00.000-05:00

It isn't every day I enjoy my life
The ones I hold dear can cause so much strife
I was told long ago you can love from far away
And often I think well maybe another day

There's not enough time to finish all things
And who has the time, even with wings
We can't make days longer, or add extra time
And what would be the point, no reason, no rhyme

There are things about me I already know
Things I don't like, leaving room to grow
The people I'm with, positions I'm in
The places I go, with no way to win

For I'm never ahead I'm always behind
And there's always someone I need to remind
Everyone else comes before me
And I put myself in this position you see

There's no way around it, It's just how I am
It's never a gamble, never a sham
I am where I say I'm going to be and when
But if I need some help, who is there then

And it matters not for I always forget
The next time that someone starts to fret
For I help with all worries, help when I can
Maybe I'd be different if I'd been born a man

And I don't know where I got it, or where it started
Maybe it has to do with losing the dearly departed
It could be just the knowledge that I can make a change
Or maybe something else, part of my derange

This trait of mine has caused me pain, but one I will endure
For to help others and assist in life is something I ensure
But unfortunately I gain nothing by it, It's just something I do
It has come to be a trait I loathe, not something I wish to ensue

A Place I Know

2004-09-19T01:21:00.000-05:00

There's a place I know not far from here
A place that's safe and warm and dear
A place that I can call my own
To share with others or be alone

A place that's warm and safe inside
A place to take a break from the tide
Four walls to hold the inner truth
A box but larger than a booth

To this place I come and go
In and out others will flow
From this place I cannot roam
For I named this place my home

Purpose

2004-09-19T01:07:00.000-05:00

I need a purpose for now I have none
And all I can think is I have not won
There is a limit to how much I can take
It isn't just another day at the lake

No this life's not easy nor kind nor sweet
And it isn't a piece of cake or a treat
Not enough time to redo it once more
And to redo anything, really what for

The outcomes don't differ if you do the same
And I think the suffering is getting lame
There is no purpose that I can see
Told to look harder to see what will be

To look and not see it is such a shame
I want nothing of glory, fortune or fame
I just want to know who and where I am
And I want to know if now is just another sham

Do I keep moving or stay put, can't say for sure yet
But I am so unsure at this point, I wouldn't place a bet
There is a road behind me, there is one up ahead
It's the turns, curves, and corners that I am coming to dread

So how to find the purpose, does anyone really know?
Some say to find the purpose, first I must let go
But to let go is not my nature, and easy it comes not
And didn't someone say it was easy? No wait I forgot

The easy road is the low road, no hills or vales to slow
And without enduring the travel, there is no room to grow
So up the difficult path I must, travel on ahead
In order to locate the purpose, for without I'm full of dread

When & Where

2004-09-14T18:00:00.000-05:00

Your not a friedn, your not a foe
For what you are I just don't know
I'm here by myself, but not alone
Closeness eluding me I can't condone

I lay here pondering, trying to sleep
Thoughts keep returning of promises to keep
And the promises are the causes of tears
And holding back the promises is nothing but fears

Fears I must work through
And you must work too
But only through time will the fears abate
And as the time passes we continue to wait

The waiting is worth it, for true love must last
And will be sweeter still after the pain of the past

Time Doesn't Heal All

2004-09-13T15:21:00.000-05:00

Now I am worthy, not fallen from grace
When will you join me in this new place
I know how I feel and what I want
But all you will do is sit around and taunt

Time does not heal all of the pain
Only the lessons and knowledge we gain
I cannot hurt you, its not allowed
Would you please stop being so proud

Trust isn’t the issue and neither is sex
It isn’t the relationship, nor the love vex
The true honest question is when will it break
For another broken heart, neither can take

The past is gone away now, it’s time to start new
And only to each other should we always be true
You have tried to shun me, and keep me away
You have tried to scare me, and yet I still stay

You talk about finding a better man for me
But only in your reflection will there be one to see
No other can be the person you are
And only you can match me so far

There are no others, for now I am yours
For together we can open all doors
There are other men sure that I can abuse
But with you there’s a partnership, and that’s what I choose

I am tired of games, drama, and such
I am tired of never feeling you touch
The time has grown old now, we are sitting still
And if we’d both jump. there would be such a thrill

And so I await the miraculous day
For you to choose, decide, and say
That it is time to love me and make your first claim
For then there is nothing left for us to tame

So in closing I can only state
There is no amount of time that I won’t wait
I am yours for ever more
And I can’t be pushed out everytime you open the door

To Be Alone

2004-09-13T15:20:00.000-05:00

I am alone as I never was
And I can’t finish because
The things I wasn’t told
For up the river I was sold

I know you knew the outcome
You can’t hide it, I’m not dumb
The preparatory steps you took
Did you think I wouldn’t look

You sat and smoked you last cigarette
You stepped out of the car with no regret
You had no thought to warn me in advance
Just left and showed the trust of chance

You left me everything, left me all
Showed me trust, didn’t let me fall
You went away with no goodbye
But I know that soon you will say Hi

You are not gone, not for good anyway
I know that you’ll be home some day
Hopefully to me you’ll come back
And hopefully we will be right on track

You know I love you, you always will
And as I drive, I feel the thrill
The one that you seek to find
The one that put you in this bind

And I knew it was only a matter of chance
That you were never caught at a glance
You are the luckiest one of us all
And it was a matter of time for you to fall

But I am here and I am behind you
For you I break all rules, it’s true
And why wouldn’t think one break
For you that one call I’d take

I need you here, I want you home
And it isn’t a fear that you may roam
It is just that I love you and I can’t deny
Love wasn’t something I wanted to try

Why can’t you trust me, I should have known
It’s not like you should’ve feared that I’d have flown
For as long as we’re friends, I will be by your side
There is nothing from me that you need to hide

I have accepted you for who you are
And liking you is understatement by far
And equally so is the “friends” that we state
But that is just part of your privacy bait

I know how I feel and you see it too
But admittance can come only from you
I cannot push it or take it too far
But I think you know more about what we are

And you tell me you care and more than a friend
Yet among all others no one can contend
There have been offers and inquisitive minds
But for you my heart has chosen it’s binds

And now all I can do is trust
For I know I can’t disgust
You won’t find another me
And for you, I’m the best you’ll see

Friends

2004-09-13T15:18:00.000-05:00

All I am allowed to be is your friend
And maybe more will come in the end
Only time will move us on this trip
To take another step into the relationship

You are everything I want
Anything less than love’s a taunt
There is no changing this fact
And it is not a matter of tact

I do love you, have from the start
I cannot change this matter of the heart
I have tried to ignore it, tried to pretend
I have even tried to be no more than a friend

But it matters not how much I fake
For there’s little more that I can take
You’ve pushed me, pulled me, tested me too
And through all the pressures, I have rung true

There is a reason we were meant to meet
And partnered together we cannot be beat
The past doesn’t matter, The present’s today
The future’s ahead, We’ll be on our way

Since the beginning you’ve wanted to be here
And since then you have always been near
And oddly enough I thought you were my type
But I never thought I’d live up to the hype.

And I never imagined you’d want me as well
And now all I hear is your going to hell
I wish I could tell you and make you understand
I wasn’t ready for my feelings for you, it was unplanned

I never meant to tell you I was in love
I didn’t need a sign from above
But the time wasn’t right
Nor the situation or night

But you heard my feelings through manipulation
For you were fully aware I couldn’t think in that situation
And to hold it against me and ask if I meant it
To question my motives, and tests and the bull shit

So I will be your friend and give you your space
For I have no need to be up in your face
You want me or you don’t it matters not
Unfortunately for me only you make me hot

There’s never been another who makes me feel like you do
And the mystery that surrounds it, people asking me Who?
I have never felt more compatible with any other man
And I am certainly not another to be called adoring fan

I am a real person, with thoughts, feelings and a brain
Not another hoe to be dumped down the drain
You will find that I will always be here
And that I am never any farther away than near...

The Words Of Wisdom

2004-09-13T15:16:00.001-05:00

There is a voice that’s not my own
It helps to guide me on paths unknown
It gives advice to those in need
And with needs unknown, it still won’t heed

This voices rings true on all accords
And you can’t find it upon the boards
You have to be worthy to hear the voice
For it’s wisdom is only offered by choice

For the voice is not concerned with fears or vulnerability
His concern is your happiness and maybe tranquility
His views are encompassed and from outside the box
There are no ways to contain it, it’s not bound by locks

And this voice belongs to one
Some may say the prodigal son
But as I know him, he is a man
And like others, he does what he can

He knows he’s not perfect, but he’ll admit
He may have some answers, as he’s no twit
And has his own problems, and pitfalls too
But that doesn’t mean he won’t make time for you

This voice of wisdom and great advice
And you will come back more than twice
Helps me greatly to become grown
And charts my territory in the great unknown

And just to talk is to learn, not all advice in its form
But just to talk is as fun, for it’s never the norm
The lessons to be learned and stories to tell
And class never ends, you’ll never hear a bell

So the nickname of The voice suits the man I know
And to they unaware his true nature won’t show
For you have to be open and knowledgeable still
To see this man as more than what you will

The Great Depression

2004-09-13T15:16:00.000-05:00

Again with the sadness, the loneliness
Again with the tears and the pain
Again with the need to be needed
Again with the desire to be loved
The songs of strength play over and over again in my hear
The songs of love die out as the embers of a fire grow cold
The songs of pain and suffering ring true as always
And the song of loneliness is mine to bear alone
The desire to be loved, for what is love anyway
I will hurt and cry and be left behind
The desire to be needed, as I have been a need before
Used and abused and they always want more
Why do I want what I know I don’t
Why do I feel I am missing what I won’t
Once I have it I will remember why I gave it up
Once I get it again, I will hate what I’ve done
And so the fears go, of being alone
Like I can’t self destruct on my own
I need others around me, to help bring me down
And maybe I should go back to that old town
To be used and abused
To be mistreated and neglected
To be unknown and not accepted
To hide and stay hidden

Sleepless

2004-09-13T15:13:00.000-05:00

I will lay awake at night
To see if the sounds are right
And is everything where it should be
And are you laying next to me.

When you’re there I won’t sleep
And I won’t make a peep
You see I want to enjoy you there
These moments I want never to share

For these moments are mine to treasure
Because in them only I find pleasure
With you it means so much more than sleep
And it makes me think you’re not another creep

The trust and comfort, things you need
The relationship that you’ll always heed
The protection and comfort it gives me
And the closest that we will ever be

Oddly enough to hear you breathe
Makes me want to squirm and seethe
Not with malice or contempt in mind
For all of my thoughts of you are kind

With longing and wanting to hold you near
But my hesitation lives with my fear
To hold you close may push you away
And so I wait for the long awaited day

The day you tell me I can be
Everything to you that I want to be
Then I will know it is okay
To touch you in every way

Why Oh Why Do I Cry

2004-09-13T15:11:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I lay down to cry
And often people ask me why
What is the answer worth
For mine are filled with mirth

There are many reasons I do
Pain and suffering, agony too
Happiness, sadness, loneliness
And the encompassing worldliness

What about its a bodily function
Maybe I have found an injunction
And the answer because never does fit
So sometime I try to explain a bit

But the answer is so much simpler to see
The answer really is I am hurting in me
And Why am I hurting, they never ask
Mostly because they’re not up to the task

And those that would be, are sometimes the cause
And those are the ones that may take a pause
To look at their actions as of late
To see if those actions had been the bait.

But through my tears I’ve found ease
My mind and heart are used to the tease
There is no time to be hurt and depressed
And it hurts even more to find it repressed

So to cry and let out the emotion at the time
Seems simpler by far than wasting a dime
To tell another who neither cares or knows
Any of your problems, cares, or woes

The Test

2004-09-13T15:09:00.000-05:00

To turn back to where you were
To look and to make sure
To know that what you’ve seen
Will leave you nowhere to lean

There is no future behind you
There is no past ahead
There are no memories to save you
And you won’t know where you’re led

You can only trust in where you are
The things you learn can take you far
But the past is the past, no regrets be found
For with regrets your undoing will sound

Only blindly can we be led at best
For certainly only few will pass this test
The test of ages, the test of time
The test without mimic or mime

We are all tested, and most will fail
But without those there’d be no tale
The reason is simple, yet so complex
And can’t be found, there’s no index

Do we be true, to ourselves to others
Who has the answers, our fathers and mothers
Can we find logic in this illogical place
Can we stand up to the test in a state of grace

Will there be others who stand with us
Or stand alone, like an empty bus
Does anyone else measure up to the feat
Or is it time to lay down and admit to defeat